I never thought I’d leave Los Angeles
In the winter of 2005 I found myself sitting in my west L.A. condo surrounded by all the things money could buy. I did everything I grew up believing would bring me happiness and love. I graduated from the prestigious business university that had rejected me years prior. I tried my hand in the entertainment industry working for the biggest studios in the world. I moved into life as a real estate entrepreneur with the fur babies, the luxury vehicle, etc. But still I felt empty.
I thought life would be different and in many ways it was. My financial freedom as an entrepreneur allowed me to meet, date and marry my future husband (more on that in my upcoming book). And because of this, I can see clearly now why life happened in the order that it did with forever gratitude.
On the outside I changed, trading one career for another, but on the inside nothing changed – I was still a hot mess. I was suppressing my emotions, not speaking my truth, not living on purpose and coping daily with caffeine, cigarettes and alcohol.
Many nights I hit my knees crying, praying and asking, “What did I do wrong?”
“Why do I feel empty when I did everything I was told to do?”
I was exhausted, stressed, unhappy and unfulfilled.
Eventually I surrendered and my prayers changed.
Instead of praying to get “the job” or find “the one” in Los Angeles, I prayed, “Please God do whatever it is that needs to be done so that I can be at peace. If all this needs to be taken away then so be it. Even if I know not the journey or destination please guide me to do what is of the highest good. Even if I don’t understand why this is happening please help me trust that everything will be okay.”
What I didn’t know then, was that my definition and experience of happiness and love, up until that point, was nowhere near what it is and what was coming. I put so much value on what other people did and had in their life, that I validated my life and me based on that false belief. I believed everyone around me was happy and if I wanted to be fulfilled I needed to be like him or her.
But that couldn’t have been further from the truth.
Many of those people I looked up to that put their careers first, ahead of their own personal growth and sometimes own health, eventually struggled in their relationships (personally and professionally), with some ending in bitter break-ups, divorce or serious illnesses such as depression, addiction or even cancer.
We all have our own unique journey in life but I do believe we can do the (inner) work if we truly want to be free to live a happier life.
After my own failed attempts at love, with years of being in committed relationships followed by years of being single, the Universe answered my prayer…online. I met a man over 5,000 miles away from everything I ever knew.
Ibiza 2017 for my husband’s birthday
I wasn’t actively looking but I was actively open to receive.
And I believe, that is the miracle.
When we rely on a strength greater than our own this has the power to manifest miracles. When we surrender what we think our life should look like and in the time we think it should happen, we then (and only then) open ourselves to receive something even better – beyond our wildest dreams.
I would not be here now, living this incredible life, if I had followed the path of other people. I prayed for a miracle and that came in the form of tuning out the opinions of others while tuning in to my own inner guidance. I stepped completely outside of my comfort zone and in return the Universe had my back.
Yes I found love online, together 13 married 11 years and counting. But even that came with it’s own set of challenges – living abroad, becoming a young mother, feeling shame around not “working” while I enjoyed my children to having fear while being away from my best friend and father when their health started to decline (rest in peace Bo and daddy).
Back in London I hit my knees praying because there were moments of doubt as I, ironically, missed Los Angeles – the life I had felt unfulfilled and prayed could be taken from me if that would bring me peace.
Thankfully from a massive commitment to personal growth and through my own spiritual awakening I finally found the peace I so desperately longed for.
And no matter where in the world I could ever be, it remained the same.
The peace, the happiness and the love were always there.
It was always inside of me.
And it’s inside of you.
That is the greatest miracle of all.
You are a miracle.
My prayer for you is that in times of doubt, anxiety or fear may you trust that you’re not alone. May you rely on a strength greater than your own. And may you too believe in miracles. May you believe in yourself.
Ready for a miracle?
Join me for your retreat on a Spiritual Adventure in Ibiza this November, Thursday 1st – Sunday 4th. Don’t miss this incredible opportunity to start manifesting now!
As always I’d love connecting with you and hear how you’ve relied on your Higher Power to manifest miracles in your life. Head over to the comments section below to share.
Much love and many blessings,