The Gift From My Father’s Passing
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“You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love”. – Henry Drummond
Today I share why I’m dedicated more than ever to coach more people towards living a more meaningful and joyful life. With the most heart-felt intention, to share the love and pay it forward, the gift from my father’s passing is that I’m offering free Discovery Calls. If you feel you (or someone you know) are living in fear, pain, stress or anxiety then let’s talk. If you’re being called to transform your life, then I encourage you to email me here to have a personal conversation to see how I can support you to create a life you love.
“Your father has no more than six months to live”, said the doctor. I remember hearing those words and it felt as if the entire earth stopped spinning. I knew he was unwell and the tumours were growing aggressively, beyond what anyone could have imagined, but when we officially heard he was being admitted on hospice and palliative care I knew I had to absolutely savour every precious moment with my father William.
I even convinced my husband to temporarily move to Los Angeles and both my kids got a place in the local French school. But in the end we didn’t move, as my intention to fully be present for my father was more possible with me flying myself back and forth from London to Los Angeles every month.
Was it difficult to do all that travelling? Sometimes.
Was it painful to see my father physically decline in this way? Absolutely.
Did I ever regret my decision to put my life on hold to be there for the end of his? Never.
I knew I had to quickly switch gears in my mind and in my heart. I had to consciously and continually extinguish my fear of losing him and start living from a place of complete and utter love. For if I didn’t I would miss this precious moment of transition.
Thankfully I was supported and loved not only by friends and family but most importantly by God, the Universe, the Divine (whatever you like to call your higher power), who always has the power of showing up and communicating in mysterious ways. For me this showed up in the book I read by my father’s bedside, “Conversations with God” by Neale Donald Walsch. I was deeply moved and inspired by many passages that seemed as if they were written just for me for this sensitive time,
“All human actions are motivated at their deepest level by one of two emotions – fear or love…Fear is the energy which contracts, closes down, draws in, runs, hides, hoards, and harms. Love is the energy which expands, opens up, sends out, stays, reveals, shares, heals. Fear wraps our bodies in clothing, love allows us to stand naked. Fear clings to and clutches all that we have, love gives all that we have away. Fear holds close, love holds dear. Fear grasps, love lets go. Fear rankles, love soothes. Fear attacks, love amends.”
As the weeks progressed I took this wisdom with me as my trips to Los Angeles became increasingly difficult. With each trip his health declined further, from being in a wheelchair, to no longer speaking, to no longer eating or drinking, and then finally to sleeping most of the day. When my father became completely bedridden I remember sitting by his bedside crying uncontrollably for the man who was leaving and thinking to myself, “Was there more I could have done for him?” “Why did other people get to carry on enjoying their father while I was here losing mine to cancer?” And then once again I was deeply moved by Walsch, as if God Himself was having the “conversation” with me:
“Only to the soul is death a relief – a release. The greatest gift you can give the dying is to let them die in peace – not thinking that they must “hang on”, or continue to suffer, or worry about you at this most crucial passage in their life…The soul is very clear that its purpose is evolution. That is its sole purpose – and its soul purpose…What the soul is after is – the highest feeling of love you can imagine.”
So feeling as if God was talking directly to me through this book, I loved my father dearly until his last breath and allowed him not to feel he had to stay for us. In those moments of spiritual surrender I vowed I would not allow my fathers life, legacy and pain to be in vain. Something (more like someone…my father) I felt was telling me there had to be a divine reason for all of this to be happening.
And thankfully to all my spiritual practices I was able to completely shift my vibration and perspective to instead remain grateful that I had such a dedicated and loving father in my life as some people may never live to have that feeling and experience.
Through my father William’s life and legacy (his soul purpose) I profoundly experienced and learned that it is never too late – it is never too late to open your heart so wide open to love, for others and for yourself.
I had no idea how I was going to be strong enough to continue supporting others as a coach and yoga teacher. But even with his physical health deteriorating I felt his spirit alive more than ever. And I felt my father telling me “Everything is going to be okay”. It was by my father’s bedside, in those moments of absolute surrender, I promised I would fully dedicate my life, as a coach, speaker, yoga teacher and writer, to help as many people in this world also open their hearts to love and live a more purposeful life. Because after all it was my father’s journey that inspired, moved and motivated me to truly live a life of no regrets and fully live from a place of love.
Again my friends, to share the love and pay it forward, the gift from my father’s passing is that I’m offering FREE Discovery calls. If you feel you (or someone you know) are living in fear, pain, stress or anxiety then let’s talk. If you’re being called to transform your life, then I encourage you to email me here to have a personal conversation to see how I can support you to create a life you love.
Even if you’re not being called to work with me, I still hope my story inspires and encourages you to start living out of fear, and instead from a place of love and gratitude because life…truly…is beautiful.
Even amongst the pain and suffering, peace and beauty remains to be felt and ultimately seen in this world.
May you too find forgiveness, healing, strength, and courage to live your life in love. Namaste.
As always, I’d love connecting with you and hear how you choose a life based in love and not fear. Head over to the comments section below to share your thoughts.
Much love and many blessings,
Get CLARITY NOW, a guided video meditation & workbook.