Be the person you needed when you were younger
This week marked a monumental moment in our family – after 2 years of juggling around Barcelona, my children are finally at the same school. It’s an exciting time but of course with change it can also bring anxiety and fear. This week was no exception where I experienced fears for my daughter that stemmed from my own childhood.
Growing up and well into my adulthood I held onto the story that I wasn’t good enough and that I wasn’t likeable. When I was about 11 years old, the age my daughter is nearly now, there was a girl (let’s call her “M”) that started rumors about things and me I never said about my best friend. I let this play out for nearly half the school year and it wasn’t until the days before elementary school graduation that I spoke with my ex-best friend who told me what “M” said and I explained, in shock from the lies, how hurt I was because it simply wasn’t true.
Thankfully we made up and became friends again but the damage had already been done.
I would carry this trauma for many years and it would affect my relationships – both personally and professionally.
I was too afraid to speak up against “M” and I was too timid to tell my parents what was happening at school. At home I didn’t feel it was an environment where we could talk openly about our feelings. The few times I tried I was told to read the bible and pray.
Instead of expressing I turned to suppressing.
For years I suppressed my feelings, which ultimately led to the bad habit of cigarette smoking from the tender age of 13. It seemed like the norm because all the kids my age were doing it, but certainly it wasn’t healthy. I was angry, sad, hurt and resentful but didn’t know where it came from let alone how to get to the other side.
After only years of investing in my own healing, did I start to see clearly, with so much love, compassion and forgiveness, that my parents did the best they could. They simply modeled what their parents had done for them. It was a different generation. My mother, one of five children, grew up in a religious Catholic household first generation American whose parents emigrated to the U.S. from the Philippines. My father, one of eight children, was born and raised in the Philippines whose own father passed away when he was young.
Again I didn’t always look at my life or their life in this way. With a commitment to personal and spiritual growth, now I know where the limiting beliefs were (and sometimes still are) and what triggers them – like seeing my own daughter grow up at this tender age.
I was also able to finally break the bad habit of smoking seven years ago and counting – win!
By no means am I immune to stress, anxiety or afraid to do something completely outside my comfort zone, rather the time spent within these moments is extremely shorter. With the right tools I’m able to not only shift myself out of my fear-based thoughts but I can also help my children to do the same.
I don’t know about you, but if all that I’ve invested in myself can help my loved ones, my children, have a different and better life than I feel like I’ve done my job. If they could go through this human experience a little bit easier and a little bit more meaningful then I can fall asleep knowing I did the best I could. Priceless.
I share my story because I know I’m not alone. I know there are many of you that also grew up with parents who were victims of victims, that did the best they could with the resources and tools they had. I know this because in coaching clients from all around the world, either in my classes, workshops, retreats or 1-on-1, regardless of age, gender, marital status, etc.
the underlying theme is universal.
We all want better for ourselves.
We all want better for our children.
We all want better with our spouse or romantic partner.
We all want to feel connected.
We all want to love and be loved.
We all know there’s a better way to living and being in this world.
The only way to get there is by healing – sending love and compassion to those parts of us that hurt.
The only way to the light is by going through the dark.
Then only way to live a happier life is to do the work and break generational patterns.
we cannot heal in the environment that we got sick or experienced such trauma.
Being in an unfamiliar yet safe and sacred environment can provide profound healing, as you look at your life experiences with a new and heightened awareness, moving to a place of gratitude and forgiveness. Many of us carry past traumas and pain from childhood memories that subconsciously cause severe stress manifesting itself in actions of negativity and fear.
After 13 beautiful years and counting living abroad in Europe I’m immensely grateful for being able to heal myself, to work with some incredible teachers, to do the work I do in healing and empowering others to also be free to live a happier life.
I understand this expat life is not for everyone, which is why I’m so passionate about bringing this work in a retreat experience, completely away from your normal environment.
Going on retreat is one of the best things you can do to create a dramatic shift in your life. From my personal experience of going on retreats every year for the past five years and from facilitating retreats for the past three years, I guarantee that when you return home, you will have way more to give to yourself, to your relationships, to your work and to the world.
You will see that there is more to life than rushing from one thing to another.
You will feel that the highest return on your investment you can ever make is investing in yourself — and really there’s no price tag for that.
You will trust that it’s ok that sometimes we just need someone to help turn on the light to find our own path to harness the inner guidance system and power you’ve always had within.
You will heal.
You will see more clearly.
You will forgive.
You will love.
Don’t you want that for yourself? Don’t you want that for your children?
Be the person you needed when you were younger.
Let me guide you. Join me for your retreat on a Spiritual Adventure in Ibiza this November, Thursday 1st – Sunday 4th. The DOORS CLOSE tomorrow Saturday the 15th to saving £200. Don’t miss this incredible opportunity! To reserve your Early Bird registration email firstname.lastname@example.org or go here now.
As always I’d love connecting with you and hear how you’re choosing to be free to live a happier life. Head over to the comments section below to share.
Much love and many blessings,